The Starcrushers

The Starcrushers are characters for the eponymous show-within-a-show that broadcasts in the Orbin Federation and possibly other nations as well. They are popular characters amongst Orbin children, and have even starred in a couple stories of their own.

Overivew
Their stated goal is to find the "greatest guitar solo in the universe." They consist of a 100-man spaceship lead by Commander Forthwith. Each crew member is given a number (Eighty, Eighty-One, Eighty-Two, Eighty-Three...) from 1 to 100. Their behavior is notoriously erratic and nonsensical, and there often appears to be absolutely no reason for their actions, yet they always claim to operate based on logic and efficiency. They are emotionally stiff, almost Vulcan-like. Their appearance is always described as "looking like members of Kraftwerk."

Their name comes from how they have "caused the structural collapse of more than a few celestial entities in our time", and they thought it sounded "cool and ominous", so they named their organization Starcrushers Inc. They claim that the Nine Inch Nails song "Starfuckers Inc." is about them... though this has not been verified.

Friends
The Starcrushers have a friendly relationship with the Squackgobblers of planet Yurillymaikmewannaholla, the apparent creators of the ultimate guitar solo, as they defeated Evil Emperor Zurg (by crushing the star his planet orbited).

Monique is the name of a former prostitute from Paris, France, whom Eighty-Six met and fell in love with. He snuck her aboard their ship. They ultimately got married and now have a house on Yurillymaikmewannaholla where she lives while he fulfills his duties to Starcrushers Inc.

The Starcrushers first met Pinocchio when they rescued him from Honest John and Gideon. He helped them find Yurillymaikmewannaholla.

Enemies
The Skullsquishers are the Starcrushers' archenemies. They are also seeking the guitar solo and will kill everything that gets in their way. The Skullsquishers especially hate the Starcrushers after they blasted their ship, hurled it into the ionosphere, and blew it up with a laser. Their ship resembles an old garbage truck, only much larger, and with rocket egnines, which spew noxious-smelling brownish-black fumes, and they themselves are 8-foot tall boar-headed fiends clad in armor that causes them to look like space-vikings.

The Dorks are another group out to find the ultimate guitar solo. They all look like space-nerds and are led by one Sheldon Twizzly. They often speak in redundencies. However, in their mad efforts to destroy the Starcrushers, Twizzly invoked the Sacred Name of Chaos Itsef, which created a fast-spinning, glowing sphere of light in his hands, sending him into a frenzy of hubris, declaring "I have achieved apotheosis, as well as become... A GOD!!!!"  The Force of Chaos, however, destroyed the Dorks, as well as everything within a thousand cubic miles save for the Starcrushers, whom were saved by the mercy of God.

Team Cannon-Fodder is a group of obnoxious people wearing excorcise gear from the 1980s and led by a man with a high-pitched voice whose arm- and leg-warmers are also wired into the ship's interface, so that he can control it by moving his arms and legs. However, they pose no real threat to the Starcrushers, due to their own incompetence, and are little more than an annoyance.

The Troper-Keeper is a lone guitar-solo-seeker, armed with the power of literary tropes--and thus the power to warp reality. He fights without mercy, and has a quite sadistic streak.

Pan-Galactic Highway Patrol is the law enforcement of the galactic spaceways. They have been after the Starcrushers ever since they and the Skullsquishers got into a skirmish on PGH-42 near the exit for Gliese-581 that almost caused a pile-up. However, the Starcrushers' ship is too fast, and the PGHP is too incompetent to actually capture them.

Haper, the Queen Goddess of the Multiverse first summoned the Starcrushers to help the other gods attack wizarding society after she had finally had enough of the wizards discriminitory ways. After Alex Russo had snuck aboard their ship, she pulled them into her dimension and brought them to her palace, so that she could chew Russo out. She had promised the Starcrushers the location of the ultimate guitar solo, only to reveal upon making up with Russo that that piece of information was the only thing she did not know, and that she lied to them. In retaliation, the Starcrushers flew their ship through her palace, blasting it with lasers and completely demolishing it.

Bystanders
President Stephen Colbert of the United States of America briefly declared war on the Starcrushers, believing them to be drug smugglers from Mexico. He ordered the U.S. military to attack the Starcrushers, who simply teleported General Griswald to Nebraska with their transporter beam. Colber presumably ceased all armed conflict with the Starcrushers after they saved New York City by launching the Skullsquishers' ship high into the ionosphere and blasting it with a high-powered laser, creating an explosion resembling a comination of a supernova and Ohio-grade fireworks, which President Colbert and his VP, Jon Stewart, saluted from Capitol Hill.

Appearances
The Starcrushers have appeared in the following stories:
 * My Nose Will Grow, June 2012, first appearance.
 * WIZARDS VS GODS: THE FINAL WAR BEGINS, September 2012, second appearance.
 * Christine and Vivian Care for a Cat, October 2012, third appearance.

Meta-info
The Starcrushers were first concieved in March 2012. The name was a bowlderized version of Starfucker, a la the Nine Inch Nails song.

They were intended as a take off of science fiction shows like Star Trek or Dr. Who.